User blog:The Flatwoods Monster/Pale Man vs The Rake - Epic Rap Battles of Horror Season 3
First things first, go read A6's new awesome battle. Seriously. Read that first. Done? Okay. Anyways, here's the next installment in Epic Rap Battles of Horror, that one series you read when Coupe is taking a while - And it's the last battle of 2014! This matchup comes to us from Dragon, Wonder, and the man/legend himself, Coupe. It features the eater of children (No, not THAT one), The Pale Man from Pan's Labyrinth ''going up against 4chan's hellspawn, The Rake to see who's the better longfingered, pale and sickly monster to abduct and eat people. I dedicate this battle to Coupe, not only because he suggested it, but because per the usual, he made the glorious title cards for it. If you're keeping count, that's the third time I've mentioned Coupe in this short narrative. Anyways, I don't have much more filler crap to make this introduction seem longer, so onto the battle. Enjoy. Cast Nice Peter as Pale Man Jack Douglass as the Rake CorridorDigital to make the costumes not look absolutely ridiculous Markiplier as Slender Man (Cameo) Instrumental - Sonic.ex- I mean Dark Knight Introduction '''Announcer: (0:00)' EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HORROR! ' ' VS! ' ' BEGIN! The Battle The Pale Man: (0:10) It appears my dining room has received another tourist, But this time, it’s the naked waste who creeps around the forest! This skeletal homosexual’s origin is not respectable, How can you hope to beat me if no one even knows if you have genitals? You shall hope you don’t disturb my slumber, for I am far from human, Especially if you’re a fusion of an anorexic college student and Paul Newman Gobble you up like those fairies, be wary, you’re not scary! Step into Pan’s Labyrinth, your soon-to-be future cemetery The Rake: (0:32) Crawling through time, I’ll be the one to serve you back to reality, And let this Pale Man kick the can and be added to my list of fatalities This spineless hack seems to think he’s Eyeless Jack, but face the facts And see that you’re REALLY blind if you think those raps made impact! You’re an overweight pretender of questionable gender, Facing the better, clever serial offender who kicks back with Slender! Certainly you’d urgently run before facing emergent pain eternally, Or I’ll mercilessly lay you back to rest - Permanently. The Pale Man: (0:53) Can’t draw yourself a way out of here, you’ll find things to get worse, So /b/ will see a new monster, dragging your mutilated corpse, With your grey, unshaved skin and stomach so pastily thin, I could use all three of your eyes, and I still can’t see you winning! You’re outdated and hated, I find Mothman to be a greater fable! Because chumps like you end up disabled and stuffed upon my table! This unbreaking smile truly represents something vile, I return to my sleep, for I have devoured yet another child The Rake: (1:15) Go ahead. Take another step, but it should be said, Any meathead who sticks his chicken legs into my realm is dead! Shred! Another child fed? Your strange eating habits are showing, But I’m already knowing! The lyrics aren’t slowing, my mouth keeps growing, To swallow you whole, bury you and your maze beneath the stars Leave you scarred for being the worst labyrinth dweller since the Minotaur! What’s the matter? I just can’t decide if you’re worse as a Monster or a rapper, Because you failed to kill Ofelia, and she made off with your dagger! The Pale Man: (1:37) Silence, bitch! Your ever growing mouth is full of shit! I’d bloody this pricks nose, if he even had a nose for me to hit! But this beast is not brutal nor obscene, just a dog who needs to be declawed, With a story so flawed, it’s the biggest fraud since B.O.B! The Rake: (1:48) Operation Crawler has come a long way, and you’re the target, Gut you like a pig and harvest from your sliced open carcass, You kill because you have to - For me, it’s just a hobby I’ve left you to rot in your own tomb, but the Cops Checked - No Body. Announcer: (1:59) WHO WON? WHO'S NEXT? YOU DECIDE! EPIC RAP BATTLES OF-''' (A sickly grey hand appears plucks the logo and takes it offscreen. Eating noises are heard.) '''HORRO-AAHHHHH!! ... Outro *Note - Thanks to everybody who has continued to support this series in all it's mediocreness, and thanks for a great first year on this Wiki. Looking forward to 2015 <3 Who won? The Rake Pale Man Category:Blog posts